Not Necessarily True
Light Verse
by Don Tidwell


The Streaker
Hotel/Motel Lobby
The Spying Spider
Who Can You Trust?
The Case of the Missing Donkey
A Point to Ponder
Miss Adelaide


THE STREAKER

	He appeared at the dorm
	In the day's fading light
	Clad only in big toothy smile ...
	When the cops tried to catch him,
	He turned on the speed,
	And clocked a new three minute mile!!!

HOTEL/MOTEL(?)LOBBY The girls who work the sidewalks in the oldest of professions are lobbying the congress for some marketing concessions. They want to call attention to the rigors of their trade, and retain a larger portion of the money that they've made. Their "modus operandi," proved by time and free of flaw, is embroiled in controversy brought about because of law. They've been victimized and criticized for being independent, and want Congress to enact a "Prostitutional" amendment.

THE SPYING SPIDER My bathtub is my haven when I've had a busy day. The soothing steamy water seems to soak my cares away. Imagine my chagrin one night when hiding from it all, to see a big black spider clinging to the blue tile wall. He ignored my keen displeasure as he yo-yo'd on his line -- he was practising rapelling and his technique seemed just fine. I sensed that he was spying on my privileged retreat ... that he thought my shiny earlobe might be something good to eat. He crawled around his universe inspecting every tile, then climbed upon his special perch to watch me for a while. We played the game of 'chicken'... I matched him stare for stare, He suddenly got careless when he thought I didn't care. I snatched that interloper ... his chance to live was gone!! I wrapped him in a tissue and flushed him down the john!!

WHO CAN YOU TRUST Poor Ellin was a nervous wreck As mad as she could be; Her druggist and beautician Fouled her up as you will see The druggist switched the labels On her shampoo and her pills, And sent Ellin on her merry way To pay some other bills. After using as per label, Ellin told this likely tale; She was going to find that druggist And arrange a stay in jail. She blamed him for her problem Though she knew he wouldn't care That she took her shampoo orally, and contraceived her hair!!

THE CASE OF THE MISSING DONKEY (Perry Mason never had one like this !) An old prospector lost his donkey. Asked a lady where his ass went. She promptly SUED that sad old man for implied sexual harassment!

POINT TO PONDER About that quaint old woman who lived in that old shoe and had so many children she didn't know what to do: Though you never hear it mentioned I presume it must be true, that unless she finally kicked him out, her husband lived there too!!

MISS ADELAIDE Miss Adelaide Snodgrass, A stodgy old maid, Reached age sixty three, And had never been laid! She trained as a teacher, Adept at her trade, But of things deemed romantic, Was sorely afraid. The picnics and dances, She'd purposely shun, And would never join in On the other school fun. She plodded through life In this aseptic mode, Convinced that romance Was an onerous load. She lived out her life Prim and properly staid, And would never emerge From this strange barricade. She died, and the minister Soulfully prayed, "Praise the Lord cause Miss Adelaide's Finally been laid." To rest!!  



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© Don Tidwell, 1953-2003

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