Holy Voice Mail


Voice Mail nowadays is a nuisance
And becoming too often routine,
But imagine it being in Heaven!
If you will, try to picture the scene.

“Hello, and We thank you for praying;
To continue remain on your knees
And select from the following menu
Any one of the options you please.

“All our angels right now are quite busy
Helping sinners who prayed before you,
So hang on and just try to be patient,
You’ll be glad that you did when you do.

“Press 1 if you’re seeking forgiveness,
Press 2 if you’re offering thanks,
Press 3 if you’re only complaining;
Number 4’s for agnostics and cranks.

“Press 5 if you’re wanting Our Father,
Press 6 to consult with His Son;
Press the poundkey if you’re getting frantic
And are dying to reach ANYONE.

“Press Zero to dial Operator,
If it’s busy don’t panic or fuss;
Just wait and re-pray a bit later,
Your prayer is important to Us.

“Your prayer may perhaps be recorded
And relayed later on back to Earth;
To hear psalms, while you wait, by King David,
Please enter the year of your birth.

“You may pray every day except Monday,
There’s a chance you may reach someone live;
Please don’t pray before eight in the morning
And there’s nobody Here after five.

“Well, thank you again and keep praying,
We hope that you have a nice day;
In the future for aid or for comfort,
Remember We’re hear, so just pray.”


© John T. Baker

Public Domain Image