If Dr. Seuss Wrote for eBay

So you’re ready to claim a conspicuous space
in the global economy’s happening place,
joining ranks with the flashy ga-zil-li-on-aires
who are lolling about, eating chocolate eclairs?

Hold your horses, stop the presses—
Online selling’s fraught with stresses—
Analyzing, advertising,
merchandising, supersizing,
demographics, trends, and traffic’s
sudden swerves. The pressure’s rising!

Buying’s decidedly wild and sporadic.
That dusty old stuff from your grandmother’s attic
won’t have what it takes to appeal to the nations
without some professional, slick presentations.

Camera ready? Check the lighting!
Featuring the most inviting
angles, shooting beads and bangles,
lock ‘n’ load and get to writing!
(How ya think yer gonna sell it
if ya dunno how to spell it?)

Eye-catching, eloquent product descriptions
send overworked brains into foaming conniptions!
The rigid demands of a steep learning curve
take perception and patience and vision and verve.

Auctions closing! Buyers dozing.
Gotta beat the competition!
Pack it snug and ship it free.
Handle with integrity.
Savvy shoppers know the rules.
eBay doesn’t suffer fools.

Whew! I’m jazzed, anticipating
steady sales and top dog rating!
Am I kidding? No, no, ma’am!
I’m a seller! Yes, I am!
Yes sir, yes sir, you can do it
too! Indeed, sir, you can do it!



2011 Mary Boren
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