Category Archives: humor

Count Down

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Count Down

Type: Structure, Metrical Requirement
Description: A ten-line sort of nonet. It descends from ten-syllables in line one to one in line ten, giving a total of fifty-five syllables. It doesn’t need to rhyme. Metrically, it is a syllabic form.
Rhythm/Stanza Length: 10
Line/Poem Length: 10

Pasted from http://www.poetrybase.info/forms/000/57.shtml
My thanks to Charles L. Weatherford for years of work on this fine Poetrybase resource.
Note: This is merely and inverted Etheree. According to Charles the Etheree also goes by the name: Count Up. I listed the specification in the name of Etheree.

My example poem
Figure It Out (Count Down)

Long division and multiplication
caused me no end of irritation.
Before calculators arrived
don’t know how that I survived.
Now, new math’s on the scene;
what the heck’s it mean?
Conspiracy-
don’t you see?
they won
one.
© Lawrencealot – August 5, 2014

 
 

Cavatina

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The Cavatina is a simple rhymed verse. One source, Poet’s Garret, indicates the poetic form originated in Italy in the 14th century. The same poetic frame is also described in Pathways for a Poet by Viola Berg. The frame is suited to both reflective verse which leads to a strong climax or for light verse.

The term can be found in the dictionary as used in 1830 to describe an opertic solo shorter than an aria. On the internet it primarily refers to a classical guitar piece. The term Cavatina does come from the Italian “cavata” which is the production or extraction of sound from an instrument or the Latin “cavus ” to dig or hollow out.

The Cavatina is:
• stanzaic, written in any number of quatrains made up of uneven couplets and finally ending in a declamatory couplet.
• metered, alternating iambic pentameter and iambic dimeter lines. The end declamatory couple is iambic pentameter.
• rhymed. Rhyme scheme xaxa xbxb xcxc, etc. dd. x being unrhymed. The end couplet is rhymed.

Eye of the Beholder by Judi Van Gorder
I never thought my Mom was very pretty–
the glasses ruled.
It was Dad we always deemed the stunning one–
the ladies drooled.
So tall with sea green eyes and wavy hair
he’d win your heart.
We all adored this playful handsome man
who stood apart,
and oh, so smart, he knew that Mom was first class,
her beauty shined right through the wire frames and glass.
Pasted from http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?showtopic=1155
My thanks to Judi Van Gorder for years of work on this fine PMO resource.
My example poem

Mad Dogs and Foolish Men Go Out in the Noonday Rain (Cavatina)

My doggie wants to take a walk today
despite the rain.
My wife says “Don’t you dare you foolish man,
just use your brain.”

My dog is clever, knows his mind and says,
“Let us converse.
We’ve walked in wind and strolled through snow, you know,
and that’s much worse.”

At times, you toss the ball into the lake.
Don’t I get wet?
Let’s go! Let’s play I need my exercise,
did you forget?”

I’m sold.  But mommy’s washed and waxed the floor!
We’ll play inside, for daddy knows the score.

© Lawrencealot – August 5, 2014

The Fletcher

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• The Fletcher is a verse form that employs long and short lines, from the poem Away, Delights by John Fletcher (1579-1625)

The Fletcher is:
○ 2 octaves made up of 2 quatrains each.
○ metered, L1, L3, L5, L8 are pentameter and L2, L4, L6, L7 are dimeter*.
○ rhymed ababcdcd efefghgh, L1 and L3 of each octave are feminine rhyme.

Away, Delights! By John Fletcher
AWAY, delights! go seek some other dwelling,
For I must die.
Farewell, false love! thy tongue is ever telling
Lie after lie.
For ever let me rest now from thy smarts;
Alas, for pity go
And fire their hearts
That have been hard to thee! Mine was not so.
Never again deluding love shall know me,
For I will die;
And all those griefs that think to overgrow me
Shall be as I:
For ever will I sleep, while poor maids cry–
‘Alas, for pity stay,
And let us die
With thee! Men cannot mock us in the clay.’
Pasted from http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?showtopic=668
My thanks to Judi Van Gorder for the fine PMO resource.
CORRECTION: Line 6 is trimeter.

My Example poem

Drinking Time (The Fletcher)

The bar’s a proper place to start your drinking –
but not too soon
for only drunks and chippies, I am thinking
begin at noon.
If you’re despondent, casting only gloom
we’d rather you just stay
within your room.
our bar’s a place to hunt and flirt and play.

The advantage of starting drinking later –
for normal guys
the early girls will find you looking greater,
surprize, surprize!
And you can differentiate before
you find yourself a ten
that’s but a four.
But then, a four’s a ten compared to men.

© Lawencealot – July 26, 2014

Mad Song Stanza

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Mad Song Stanza
Type: Structure, Metrical Requirement, Rhyme Scheme Requirement, Other Requirement, Stanzaic
Description: Five line form with 3 feet, 3, 2, 2, 3, usually iambic and rhyme Xabba, often of a non-linear nature.
Origin: English
Schematic:
xX xX xX
xX xX xA
xX xB
xX xB
xX xX xA
Rhythm/Stanza Length: 5
Pasted from http://www.poetrybase.info/forms/001/176.shtml

My Thanks to Charles L. Weatherford for the fine Poetrybase resource.

Restated Specifications: The Mad Song Stanza is:
Stanzaic: One or more quintains
Syllabic: 6/6/4/4/6
Rhymed: xabba
Metric: Iambic
Poem length: 5 lines or multiple.

My Example poem

Post-Haste ( Mad Song Stanza)

A lim’rick takes too long
and I’ve no time to waste.
This form seems fast,
and not half-assed
and can be done post-haste.

© Lawencealot- July 22, 2014
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Mad Song Stanza

The Donne

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The Donne is named for the English Poet, John Donne (1573-1631) patterned after his A Hymn to God the Father. John Donne was known as a metaphysical poet and his poetic style directly influenced the poetry of the 16th century.
The Donne is:
• stanzaic, written in any number of sixains.
• metered, L1 through L4 are pentameter, L5 tetrameter and L6 is dimeter.
• rhymed, with an alternating rhyme scheme ababab. The rhyme scheme maintains the same 2 rhymes throughout the poem ababab ababab etc.
Hymn to God the Father by John Donne (first stanza)
WILT Thou forgive that sin where I begun,
— Which was my sin, though it were done before?
Wilt Thou forgive that sin, through which I run,
— And do run still, though still I do deplore?
—— When Thou hast done, Thou hast not done,
—————- For I have more.
Done Donne by Rex Allen Brewer
How can I find a way to write like Donne,
When comes the fun, who cracks the door?
My words are poor, like weeds without the sun.
I can’t find rhyme or pun, I am a bore.
I walk the floor, what have I won?
Foul done, no score.
Pasted from <http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?showtopic=668>
My thanks to Judi Van Gorder for the find PMO resource.
My example poem
Look It in the Mouth (The Donne)
ILook It in the Mouth
Look It in the Mouth (The Donne)
I’ve got a chance where I might win a horse.
It was purchased for me by Johnny Black.
I was appreciative, and glad of course
though I’ve not been upon a horses back.
It’s likely something I’ll endorse
though I know jack.
Then searching for a proper clothing souce
for boots and buckle, hat and clothes I lack
I found with that I’d only be midcourse.
I’d need a saddle and the horses tack.
Don’t let me win! I’ve such remorse
please take it back.
© Lawrencealot – June 22, 2014
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The Donne

The Bridges

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• The Bridges is a stanzaic form with a formal tone created by the long and short lines and exact rhyme scheme. It is patterned after Nightingales by English poet Robert Bridges(1844-1930).
• The Bridges is:
○ stanzaic, written in any number of sixains.
○ metered, L1,L2, L4 of each stanza is iambic hexameter, L5 iambic pentameter and L3 and L6 are dimeter.
○ rhymed, rhyme scheme aabccb ddeffe etc.
Nightingales by Robert Bridges
BEAUTIFUL must be the mountains whence ye come,
[And bright in the fruitful valleys the streams, wherefrom
Ye learn your song:
Where are those starry woods? O might I wander there,
Among the flowers, which in that heavenly air
Bloom the year long!
Nay, barren are those mountains and spent the streams:
Our song is the voice of desire, that haunts our dreams,
A throe of the heart,
Whose pining visions dim, forbidden hopes profound,
No dying cadence nor long sigh can sound,
For all our art.
Alone, aloud in the raptured ear of men
We pour our dark nocturnal secret; and then,
As night is withdrawn
From these sweet-springing meads and bursting boughs of May,
Dream, while the innumerable choir of day
Welcome the dawn.
Pasted from http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?showtopic=668
My thanks to Judi Van Gorder for the wonderful PMO resoruce site.
Now my friends, do not try to fit the above poem to the template displayed below, unless for your own edification, because the poem does not conform to the specifications. And that is okay, for the text above states that it is PATTERNED AFTER, and that much is true.
What I could not find out is who did the patterning? No matter. We can now write The Bridges to these specifications:
Syllabic: 12/12/4/12/10/4
stanzaic, any number of sestets (6 line stanzas).
Rhyme scheme: aabccb ddeffe etc.
Metric: Iambic hexamter, iambic pentameter, iambic dimeter
My example poem
The Pregnant Bride (The Bridges)
“How are you feeling”? asked my doc , and I replied.
“I’m eighty-five and have a young and pregnant bride!”
I’m feeling great.”
She’s eighteen, beautiful, and gonna have my child.
It’s wonderful. I think that’s very wild!
I’m no light-weight.”
The doctor thought it over then made this retort,
“I knew an avid hunter once, a hearty sport.
who erred one day.
He grabbed an umbrella when reaching for his gun
and aimed it at a bear which had begun
to run his way.”
“He pulled the handle. Do you know what happened next?
The bear dropped dead in front of him!”- I was perplexed.
“That cannot be”,
I said, “Someone else must have shot that doggone bear.”
“Correct”, the doctor said, “I do declare
I see you see.”
© Lawrencealot – June 17, 2014
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The Bridges

Long Octave

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Long Octave
Type:
Structure, Metrical Requirement, Rhyme Scheme Requirement, Stanzaic
Description:
An octave of iambic tetrameter with rhyme scheme abcbabcb.
Schematic:
Line rhythm: xX xX xX xX
Rhyme scheme: abcbabcb
Rhythm/Stanza Length:
8
See Also:
Status:
Incomplete
My thanks to Charles L. Weatherford for his fine Poetrybase resource.
Example poem
Recruiting      (Long Octave)
When Maude and I were at the park
just chatting calmly on a bench,
two half-dressed trollops happened by
(I think perhaps that they were French),
it wasn’t close to getting dark.
They asked, “We’ve many thirsts to quench.
and one’s a friendly older guy;
would you take care of him by chance?”
© Lawrencealot – April 21, 2014
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Brevee

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  • The Brevee  is a terse list of related rhymes. One more verse form that appears to be invented as a learning tool, it was created by Marie Adams.
    The Brevee is:

    • stanzaic, written in any number of sixains.
    • syllabic, L1 L2 L4 L5 are 2 syllables each line and L3 & L6 are 4 syllables each.
    • rhymed, rhyme scheme aabccb ddeffe. (aabccbddeffe)
    • Cold by Judi Van Gorder
      Little
      brittle
      fragments of ice
      splinter
      winter
      ski paradise.
My Thanks to Judi Van Gorder for the wonderful resource at PMO
Specifications restated:
Stanzaic:  Any number of sestets
Syllabic: 2/2/4/2/2/4
Rhymed: aabccb
My example poem
Own It, Loan It (Brevee)
Own it
loan it
it’s forgotten.
Home made?
No, ‘fraid
it was boughten.
Pretend
the friend
is really nice-
It’s kind
of mind
to trust them twice.
Well when
again
the same occurs,
out think
the stink
and this trick cures.
Use brain
obtain
for that sad-sack
your want
up front;
borrow it back!
© Lawrencealot – March 14, 2014
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Ruthless Rhyme

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Ruthless Rhyme
Ruthless rhymes were created by Harry Graham. If you haven’t met them before, and enjoy things that are deplorably funny but not in the best possible taste, do please seek out his work. (My favourite is the one about little Leonie.) It’s not that easy to write a poem about death that’s funny without being offensive. How about this one:
Out in the Wash
When spouse and clothes got in a tangle
They went together through the mangle.
The faithless rat I did not grieve –
Still flatter, but can’t now deceive.
Ruthless rhymes are always written in rhyming couplets – usually two of them, but occasionally more.
Thanks to Bob Newman for his wonderful Volecentral resource site.
The link below will lead you to a fine selection of poems by
By Jocelyn Henry Clive ‘Harry’ Graham who just became on of my favorite poets.
Here are a couple of examples of his work.
Necessity
LATE last night I slew my wife,
Stretched her on the parquet flooring;
I was loath to take her life,
But I had to stop her snoring.
The Perils of Obesity
YESTERDAY my gun exploded
When I thought it wasn’t loaded;
Near my wife I pressed the trigger,
Chipped a fragment off her figure;
‘Course I’m sorry, and all that,
But she shouldn’t be so fat.
My example poem
Laundry Mix     ( Example of Ruthless Rhyme)
Into the wash I threw the cat
and Mom said I ought not do that.
But still a load of underwear
feels nice when coated with cat hair.
© Lawrencealot – April 11, 2024
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Ruthless Rhyme

Deibide Baise Fri Toin

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Deibide Baise Fri Toin
A similar name, but not much in common with the common-or-garden deibide, apart from being Irish. I don’t know how to pronounce this one, or the literal meaning of its name, but here’s what the verse form looks like:
Against Vegetation
Move! Without
doubt it helps to get about.
Except for triffids, a plant
can’t.
Poor daisies!
In peril as cow grazes,
prospects of survival not
hot.
Such fodder
can’t flee even a plodder;
inferior to the least
beast.
No better,
the shiftless non-go-getter,
potato sat on a couch.
Ouch!
The syllable count is 3/7/7/1 and it rhymes aabb. It is essential to the form that the a rhymes have two syllables, and the b rhymes have one syllable. There are a fair number of Irish forms – some of them with longer and more unpronounceable names – and most of them stipulate the type of rhyme as precisely as this.
Thanks to Bob Newman for his wonderful Volecentral resource site.
My example poem
Wet Cats     (Deibide Baise Fri Toin)
Don’t worry
although they’re sometimes furry
it’s okay to get a pet
wet.
Don’t insist
on fresh fish they can’t resist;
cats can convert once they’ve tried
fried.
I’m inclined
to think cats are not refined,
but just aloof. I don’t know
though.
© Lawrencealot – April 11, 2014
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Note: two syllable rhyme